


oblivious dumbass bisexual lawyers getting together, as a little treat

by WispyWillows11



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barba - Freeform, Barisi - Freeform, Carisi - Freeform, Cute, Gay, Lawyer Boyfriends, Love, M/M, Plot What Plot, Rafael Barba - Freeform, Sonny Carisi - Freeform, bisexual dumbasses, gay shit, honestly just some cute shit, i forgot how to do good tags, who knows what season this is supposed to be in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WispyWillows11/pseuds/WispyWillows11
Summary: barisi fanfic? in 2020? it's more likely than you think
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

"Carisi, would you relax? I highly doubt that any assassins are going to break in through the window. We're on the fourth floor; they'd have to use jet packs to get in."

Carisi turns away from the large window inside of Barba's living room. "Better safe than sorry. I mean, what if they have a giant trampoline or somethin'?"

Barba scoffs. He stands in his kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine. He strolls out into the living room and takes a seat on the plush, overstuffed couch. "If they were ingenious enough to use a giant trampoline to catapult in here, I'd applaud them."

"Counsela'."

"Maybe give them a high-five."

"Come on," Carisi replies, slight anger, or maybe fright, seeping into his voice. "You've gotta' start taking all those death threats seriously. I mean, how many have you even gotten?"

"I lost track," Barba shrugs. He takes another sip from his glass. He looks at Carisi pacing back and forth and he chuckles. "If I'd known that you'd be this twitchy, I don't know if I'd have invited you up."

Carisi ignores this, just continues his pacing.

"Geez, my security detail is nervous."

"Well, a' course, I am!" Carisi exclaims, throwing his arms out in a defiant manner. "There's people out there, a lot probably, who want you dead! Dead, Barba. Dead. Dead-dead."

"Say dead one more time, Carisi. I dare you," Barba smirks.

Carisi huffs and sits down on the couch beside Barba and leans back, running his fingers through his hair. His usually gel-backed hair is free of product and a bit unruly. Carisi loosens the polka dot tie that hangs around his neck and shrugs out of his jacket.

"Making ourselves at home, are we?" Barba asks, as he sees Carisi put his feet up on the glass coffee table.

Carisi gets a sheepish look on his face and blushes. "Oh, sorry."

"I don't mind. You're going to be here a while, I'm guessing?"

Carisi shrugs. "Probably. I don't trust anyone else with your life if I'm bein' honest here."

He doesn't know if it's the way that Carisi says it, or the fact that it's Carisi himself saying it, but this statement spreads a feeling of warmth throughout Barba's stomach. It's a feeling akin to...butterflies? Wait, yes. That's what it is.

What the hell, Rafael? He thinks. You haven't felt that in a long time. This guy? Freaking Fordham Law? No, it's probably just that he's worried about me and that's a nice feeling. Yes, that's it. Nothing more.

Yeah, right.

"Well, I enjoy the fact that you find your own police unit incompetent," Barba replies, trying to forget about the feeling. "I won't mention that the next time I interact with one of your officers."

"Well, okay, that's not exactly what I meant," Carisi grins. "It's just, it makes me feel better knowing that you're okay."

"So this is really just you being selfish?" Barba retorts. "That's what you're telling me?"

Carisi laughs and just the sound of it makes Barba smile. "Basically, Counsela'."

Barba loved when Carisi called him that. It was so needless, but Barba loved it.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Barba asks, checking his watch. "It's only eight o'clock and I don't know about you, but that's not my bedtime."

"Uh, I think there's a My Name is Earl marathon on tonight if you wanna' watch," Carisi suggests, admittedly a bit embarrassed. He really didn't think that Barba would want to watch the dumb show, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. He'd been planning on watching it all week.

"Really? That show?" Barba questions, fake-mocking. "You do have a brain in there right, Carisi?"

Carisi frowns and looks at the floor. Barba curses himself. He didn't want Carisi to feel bad, especially not from something he had said. He's really got to keep his sarcasm in check. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I was just kidding. Well, no, I was being an ass. Let's watch it; I've actually never seen it."

Carisi perks up at this. "Really?" He smiles widely and his eyes light up, and Barba swears he looks exactly like an actual ray of sunshine.

"Yeah," Barba nods. "Let's watch it."

"Awesome!" Carisi exclaims. He bounds up from the couch and grabs the remote from the entertainment center. Barba laughs at his endless joy and optimism. Barba works with a lot of sad and depressed, even dark people, so it's nice to interact with the lovechild of rainbows and puppies.

Honestly, Barba had never met anyone so happy and joyful about life. He himself really didn't get what the big deal was. You're born, you live your life, you die. What's so great about that?

Maybe Carisi can show him.

Now that he thinks about it, there's nothing wrong with Carisi. Sure, he can say the wrong thing sometimes and isn't the most graceful person to ever walk the face of the planet, but his other incredible qualities made up for that, and more.

What's wrong with liking Carisi?

Well, for one, it could put every single case that they worked on in jeopardy. Can you imagine? Every defense attorney in the state would use, "The arresting officer is the ADA's boyfriend. Interesting, isn't it?" tactic for their cases. Every past case could be called into question as well. That doesn't even cover every repercussion that could from an affair of this nature. He can hear the gossip around the water cooler now; "Did you hear that the ADA and that SVU detective are dating? I bet he's getting special treatment. In more ways than one!" The gossipers would then high-five over their crass innuendo. Barba knows that gossip shouldn't bother him, but gossip of this kind was nerve-wracking to say the least.

And did Barba even have strong enough feelings for Carisi that he'd consider making a move on the man? Well, he was thinking about it just now, wasn't he?

Fuck. He likes Carisi. Like-likes him.

Really, Rafael? Barba thinks. Like-likes? Are you in second grade?

Anyway, how long had he felt like this? Thinking back on it, he had felt that funny, fluttery feeling on different occasions when he had interacted with Carisi. A dumb joke here, a light touch on the shoulder there, Barba had felt something for a while now.

Did he first start to feel something when Carisi had helped him in the Lewis Hodda case? He had been brilliant in court and extremely resourceful. Those were attractive qualities.

Or was it when Carisi was the only one in the entire bar at Dodds' memorial who would sit with Barba? Even though there was a target on his back (that was more than likely painted on by the very cops in that bar), Carisi didn't care; he still wanted to be with Barba.

Or maybe it was even when Carisi had said, "This guy is crazy, but he's not, y'know, crazy." Whatever that even means.

Sure, when they had first met Barba had thought Carisi was a bit of a ditz and pretty tactless, but the longer he's known Carisi, the more Barba has come to enjoy his daily visits with the kind, caring, exuberant young man. Barba can't put an exact date or time to when he first had started to feel something for Carisi, but looking back on it, that's usually how it works, isn't it? It just hits you one day and falls on you like a ton of bricks. You just look up one day and realize that what you've been looking for has been in front of you the entire time.

Carisi sits back down beside Barba, a little closer this time. Their thighs almost touch and Barba unconsciously wishes that they were closer.

Who knows how unconscious a thought this is, though, because he scoots a little bit closer to Carisi as the detective flips on the TV. Carisi doesn't seem to notice this, but then again, he doesn't notice much. Barba smiles to himself whenever Carisi lets out a loud and wonderful laugh, relishing the resonating of such a pure sound. He doesn't pay attention to the show, but instead notices the dimples that appear and the crow's feet that materialize whenever he smiles. The azure color of his eyes are almost hypnotizing and Barba looks away and blushes as Carisi catches him staring.

"Can I help ya' with somethin'?" Carisi laughs, grinning.

"Um, n-no," Barba stammers, rising from the couch suddenly. "I'm f-feeling p-pretty tired so, I'm going to go to bed."

"So, soon?" Carisi asks. "We just started the marathon!"

"Y-Yeah, I'm just not feeling well," Barba lies through his teeth. "Thanks for coming over, Carisi."

"Just doin' my job, Counsela'," Carisi replies, sounding a bit disappointed. He rubs a hand down his face and gets up from the couch. "Wait, what am I doin'? I've gotta' stay here til morning." He sits back down.

Barba stands awkwardly in the living room, not knowing what to say at the moment. Carisi raises his brows at Barba. "Counsela?"

"Yeah?"

"You were going to bed?"

Barba blushes and laughs. He smacks his forehead with the inside of his palm. "Oh, of course! G-Goodnight, Carisi."

"Goodnight, Counsela."

Barba nods and grabs his glass of wine off the table, walking into his bedroom and closing the door behind him. He releases the breath that he's been holding in his chest and sits down on the bed. He loosens his tie and drops it to the ground, sighing and downing the last of his wine. Barba sets the glass on the bedside table and lays back, interlacing his fingers behind his head.

Now what? What is there to do about this? Where do I go from here?

Suppress these feelings I've been having for Carisi and go about life as I always have? Or tell Carisi how I feel and risk it all?

God, that's dramatic. Stop being such a drama queen, Rafael. It's not the end of the world if you don't get with the inept, happy-go-lucky, Staten Island-bred, SVU detective.

But it would really suck.


	2. Chapter 2

When Barba wakes up in the morning, he's exhausted. Well, I guess "wakes up" isn't exactly what happens; in order to "wake up", you have to actually fall asleep first. After a sleepless night of tossing and turning, Barba sits up in bed, yawning.

Great. He has a really important case today and he hasn't slept. Thanks, Carisi.

No, he can't blame Carisi, though; it's not his fault that Barba has developed these feelings for the man. It's Barba's fault for getting so attached. He tries to avoid that whenever he can.

But he just can't help it this time.

Barba swings his legs over the side of the bed and rubs his eyes. He walks into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face, trying to wake himself up. When that doesn't work, Barba shrugs and brushes his teeth and hair. He then crosses the room and open his closet. He puts on a pair of grey dress pants and a blue and white pinstripe shirt. Over the shirt goes a vest and jacket to match the pants as well as a striped tie. You wouldn't think that the two different types of stripes would work, but somehow they do.

He opens the door and steps out into the bright sunshine that filters in through the big, spacious window which lines the ceiling to the floor of one of the walls in the living room. Laying on the leather couch, drooling all over his shirt, is Carisi, fast asleep.

Barba smiles in spite of himself and passes into the kitchen. He checks his watch and curses as he sees it's later than he wants it to be. He starts to brew a pot of coffee, looking up when he hears Carisi stir. The detective groans and sits up, stretching his sore muscles.

Barba smirks. "Was my couch not satisfactory for you, sleeping beauty?"

Carisi looks over into the kitchen, squinting and trying desperately to wake up. He smiles groggily (and quite cutely) at Barba and the funny feeling returns, settling itself in Barba's stomach. "Nah, the couch is fine, it's just that I slept weird. In a weird position."

"Ah, good," Barba smiles. "I was worried that you would've thought less of me." He pours himself a cup of the freshly-brewed coffee. He holds up another mug to Carisi. "Coffee?"

"Yes, _please_ ," Carisi nods furiously, rising from the couch and grabbing his tie from the end of it. He loops it around his neck and tightens it sloppily. He walks into the kitchen and leans against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. Barba pours him a cup of the hot, brown liquid and hands it over.

"Thanks, Counsela." Carisi takes a long sip from the mug and licks his lips after he does so. Barba notices.

"Don't mention it," Barba says, drinking from his own cup. He notices Carisi's poorly-done tie and his messy hair. "So, are you planning on going home before work or just embracing this whole 'I woke up like this' look?"

Carisi laughs and even snorts at this.

 _How is_ that _cute_? Barba muses.

"Well, I guess I didn't really think about what I'd do for my morning routine over here," Carisi says, shrugging.

"Well, at least let me do something about that tie. It's driving me crazy."

Barba reaches out his fingers to grasp the tie and they brush briefly against Carisi's chest. It's very firm and Barba surmises that he must work out to obtain that. Barba feels very awkward when he realizes he hasn't started to do Carisi's tie and is just slightly feeling Carisi's chest with his fingertips. Barba clears his throat and steps back, blushing profusely.

"W-What am I doing? You're an adult, y-you can tie your own tie."

Carisi gives Barba a very confused look and starts to do his own tie. "Uh, yeah, I can."

Barba checks his watch once more and downs the last of his coffee. "Well look at the time. I've gotta' be in court in twenty minutes. You can let yourself out?"

Carisi furrows his brow at Barba's strange behavior, but nods. "Uh, for sure, Counsela."

Barba nods back. He grabs his briefcase which is set atop the kitchen table and rushes out the door, not wanting to be in this awkward situation any longer.

He briefly slumps against his front door and pinches the bridge of his nose.

 _Well, done, Rafael!_ Barba thinks. _Yeah, he_ definitely _doesn't know that you like him now! Either that, or he thinks you're just a weirdo. Either way, both_ great _options..._

************************************

Despite the recent revelations he's had in regards to Carisi, Barba is able to forget all that when he is in court; he _is_ a professional after all.

And besides, it's very hard for Barba to think about anything but throwing the scumbag who thinks it's okay to rape little boys in jail for the rest of his disgusting life.

"So, Mr. Danser, your lawyer says that your fantasies are just that; fantasies. But was that the case on June 27th?" Barba asks, hands clasped behind his back and he's facing the jury.

Lenny Lanser swallows thickly before answering. "I... I don't remember exactly."

Barba turns and looks at the balding, overweight man sitting in the hot seat. "You don't?" He feigns a confused look. "Hm, well, that's odd."

Defense Attorney Minonna Efron rolls her eyes before piping up with, "Is there a question there?"

Judge Floyd looks to Barba and he nods. "Yes, your honor. I say that this is odd considering the fact that you posted on an online chat room June 27th that, now, this is a direct quote from you, 'So happy right now after the best day ever. Just raped a lil' one real good.' You're telling me you don't remember typing and saying that?"

"Objection!" Efron raises her voice, standing up from her chair. "Is Mr. Barba questioning the memory of my client or just insulting him?"

Barba scoffs. "Your honor, I am simply asking if Mr. Lanser remembers typing and posting this message." Barba shoots the defense attorney a look. "If that's alright with Miss Efron, that is."

Wanting to stop the two lawyers from staring daggers at each other, Judge Floyd overrules the objection and addresses the defendant; "You may answer, Mr. Lanser."

Barba turns his gaze to the accused. Lanser rings his hands and Barba smirks to himself; he's glad that he's making this disgusting piece of shit squirm. "U-Um, I guess I do remember posting that."

"I see. And June 27th was also the day Jake Smith was raped, correct?"

Lanser nods. "Yes." He's not scared, he just knows he fucked.

"So, you're telling me that these two happenings are not connected?"

"Objection!" Efron interjects again. "Calls for speculation."

"I think that Mr. Lanser knows if he raped Jake Smith or not."

Judge Floyd sighs. "Sustained."

Barba turns to face the jury. "Rephrase. Is it true that you posted online about raping a 'lil' one'-" air quotations here, "on the same day that Jake Smith was raped?"

"It seems so."

Barba rolls his eyes. "So, yes." He turns back to Lanser. "Is it also true that you were at Jake Smith's elementary school on June 26th?"

"Wh-What?!" Lanser cries.

Barba's got him now. "It's a fairly simple question, Mr. Lanser."

Lanser shakes his head. "No, I w-wasn't."

Barba strides across the courtroom and grabs the remote control, turning on the television. A picture of Lanser standing by the playground of Forest Hills Elementary flashes on the screen. "Is this not you, then? Do you have an identical twin perhaps?"

"Objection, immaterial!" Efron practically growls.

"Sustained."

"Is that you, Mr. Lanser?"

Lanser slowly nods.

"Excuse me?"

Lanser narrows his eyes at Barba. "Yes, that is me."

"So, let's recount, shall we?" Barba proposes. Wow, he loves his job. "You posted on an online chatroom that you raped a child on the same day that you were on the schoolground of a child who was actually raped that same day?"

"Yes."

"And you expect us to believe that these facts have nothing to do with each other?"

"Objection!" Efron cries.

Barba shrugs to the jury. "Seems connected to me."

"Your _honor_!"

Barba smirks. "Withdrawn." He sits back down in his chair, folding his hands over his folded knee. He's got this jackass.

***********************************************************************************************

Strolling out of court with another guilty verdict under his belt, Barba feels pretty damn good. Benson comes up to Barba, big smile on her face. She gives him a slap on the back and enthuses, "Nice work, Barba! I'm really glad we got that bastard."

"Me, too, but I don't think I can take all of the credit," Barba grins. "I can also thank his stupidity. We literally had pictures of him _at_ Jake Smith's school and he thinks that he can lie his way out of this? He's a regular Stephen Hawking."

Benson laughs. "Still, nice job."

Barba thanks Benson but he feels a slight reddening in his cheeks as he sees Carisi striding up to him and Benson. "Awesome job, counsela'! You knocked that outta' the park!"

Barba blushes even more and he clears his throat. "Th-Thanks, Carisi. It wasn't anything too hard. Fending off Efron wasn't too easy, though."

"Never is," Carisi agrees, nodding enthusiastically.

Benson is giving Barba a very confused look as she sees his nervous demeanor around the young detective. Carisi seemingly doesn't take notice of this, and Barba sends up a prayer of gratitude to whatever deity must be watching over him for this act of kindness.

"Well, I've got a meeting in an hour so I should go prepare for that," Barba says, lying. He doesn't have anything, but he needs to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

"I'll walk with you," Benson says, wanting to figure out what is going on. "See you at the station, Carisi."

Carisi nods. "See ya, Lieu." He claps a hand on Barba's shoulder and it sends a rush to Barba's head. "Awesome job, counsela'." He gives the attorney a big, bright smile. "Like always."

Barba curses himself as his cheeks redden once more at yet another thing that Carisi has done. Fuck, Benson definitely saw that. "Uh, th-thanks. Liv?"

The lieutenant nods a goodbye to Carisi as he walks away from her and Barba. Benson twirls around to face Barba. "What was _that_ about? I've never seen you act like that before."

Barba feigns a confused look. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That is the exact thing that perps always say," Benson says crossing arms over her chest. "And what is it that they're always doing when they say that?"

"Lying?" Barba suggests.

"Correct."

Barba laughs. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, Liv. I wasn't acting any differently than I usually do."

Benson raises her brows. "Bull. Yes, you were and you know it. What happened? Did you and Carisi get in a fight or something?"

Barba doesn't want to admit to Benson that he's got a crush on one of her detectives, so a lie is probably better for this situation. He nods. "Yes, we did. We got in a fight. You found me out, Lieutenant."

"What was the fight about?"

Barba's glad that he's quick on his feet. "Carisi was just being too protective and worrying yesterday when he was my protective duty. I snapped at him and it's still a little awkward."

"Oh, I see," Benson says, seeming to believe him. "I can talk to Carisi about it if you want."

"No, don't!" Barba says a little too loudly and a little too fast. Benson gives him a funny look and Barba tries to backtrack. "I mean, there's no need to do that. We've already made up and bringing it up again might make him feel bad."

"Oh, okay, that makes sense," Benson nods. She shrugs. "Sorry for being so pushy."

Barba smirks. "You've never apologized for doing that before."

She narrows her eyes at the DA, but smiles in spite of herself. "Yeah, yeah. Don't you have a meeting to get to?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for read, more to come


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, counsela', ya got a minute?"

Barba looks up when he hears Carisi's voice. A small smile creeps onto his face without his consent. "Detective. What's going on?"

"Uh, is it cool if I shut the door?"

Barba furrows his brow. "Yeah, uh, go ahead."

Carisi closes the door and lets out a deep breath. He doesn't say anything for about a minute and Barba begins to grow concerned. "Carisi, are you okay? What's going on?"

"Well, I, uh, I'm kinda' going through some stuff right now," Carisi finally says.

"What kind of stuff?"

Carisi bites his lip (Barba's eyes are instantly drawn to them, but he snaps his eyes back up as soon as he's done this) and nibbles on it, clearly distressed. He starts to rise from the chair he sits in. "N-Nothing. Y'know what, I'm gonna' go."

"Carisi, if you're going through something, you can talk to me about it," Barba says, a sincere look in his eyes. "I mean, we've become something like friends over the years, haven't we?"

"Yeah, I guess that's true," Carisi shrugs, sitting back down. He runs a hand down his face and leans forward, hands clasped in front of him.

 _Oh, shit, this must be serious,_ Barba thinks. _I've never seen Carisi like this before._

"Okay... well, first can I ask you a question?" Carisi asks.

Barba nods. "Go for it."

"Are you religious?"

Barba is a bit surprised at the question. "Well, I, uh, went to Catholic school, but I haven't gone to Mass in a long time, so no, I wouldn't say I'm very religious."

"What do you think about gay people then?"

"Carisi, _I'm_ bisexual."

Carisi looks up at him. "You are?"

Barba nods, laughing. "Yeah, I am."

"When did you know?"

"Well, when I saw a man and thought, 'he's attractive and I would sleep with him", I started to suspect I _might_ not be straight."

Carisi chuckles. "Gotcha', that'd make sense."

Carisi doesn't say anything for a beat. Barba finally asks, "Carisi, what's going on?"

Carisi licks his lips (which makes Barba's brain goes a little fuzzy) and in one big breath he hurriedly blurts out, "I think I have feelings for a guy!"

Barba bites his cheek, trying to stop the smile that is trying to spread itself across his face. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, but I feel so guilty about it."

"Why?"

"Well, because he's a guy."

Barba feels his heart sink. He feels for Carisi; he's been there. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"But, what about what the Bible says about it?" Carisi replies, biting a fingernail. "I mean, it says th-that gay people go to hell."

"Carisi, I went through that same line of thinking when I realized I was bisexual," Barba explains. "I mean, yeah, I'm not religious, but at one point I was really disgusted with myself over my sexuality and scared about heaven."

"You were?" Carisi asks, his blue eyes staring deeply into Barba's. "I can't imagine you being scared of anything. And I _really_ can't imagine you having anything but total confidence in yourself."

Barba laughs and rolls his eyes. "I mean, yes, now I've got loads of confidence, but when I was younger? It wasn't always like that."

"That's _really_ hard to imagine," Carisi admits. "So, what did you do?"

"I actually talked to my priest," Barba says. "He helped a lot and was surprisingly cool about it. I don't really remember what he told me, but it helped a lot. I'm not sure your priest's stance on the issue-"

"Yeah, he's not exactly a fan of gay people." 

"Well, maybe there's a group that could help. A group for religious queer people. They might be able to help."

"Yeah. That's a good idea." Carisi is silent again for a beat, and his brow is furrowed. He's thinking and staring at the ground. 

"Carisi?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you okay?" Barba's never seen Carisi like this before. So worried and vacant-looking. 

"I guess."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more help, Carisi," Barba says, sincerely meaning it. He hated seeing the detective like this. 

Carisi looks up at Barba at this. "No, you did. Just talking to you made me feel better." 

Barba's heart warms at hearing this. "O-Oh, well, good, then." 

Carisi gives Barba one more small smile before checking his watch. "Ah, shoot, I've gotta' go. Me and Rollins are watching _Tangled_ with Jesse. She's never seen it! Can you believe it? Now, _that's_ a crime."

"Well, you'll have to charge me with that offense, too, then," Barba smirks.

Carisi gets a surprised and a little bit of an appalled look on his face at this. He furrows his brow and then raises them at the other man. "You've never seen _Tangled,_ either? Come on, Counsela'. How can you not have seen _Tangled_? You're so cultured!"

"And _Tangled_ is a classic?"

"Absolutely."

Barba laughs. "I see. I hope your opinion of me hasn't been lowered too much after finding out this bit of information."

"I mean, just a little," Carisi grins. "But I think I know a way you make it up to me?"

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"We can watch it some time."

It catches him off guard and it takes a minute to process this. Like as a date? Or just a friend? Or what? What did this mean-

"Uh, if you don't want to, that's cool, too."

Carisi breaks Barba from his thoughts. He replies, "No, sorry, I... I'd love to."

Carisi gets a big smile on his face and nods really enthusiastically. "Awesome!" He checks his watch again and taps it, rising from his chair. "Ah, shoot, now I've _really_ gotta' go. I'll see ya' around, Counsela'!" With that, he races out the door without Barba getting another word in.

"See ya', Carisi."

********************************

"So, what do we have on this guy?"

"Well," Benson starts, "we have witnesses who place him at Sadie's apartment around the time she was raped and security footage of him leaving her apartment that night. Not air-tight, but-"

"I'll be able to get him," Barba says, rising from the chair in front of Benson's desk. "See you at arraignment tomorrow?"

"Sounds good," Benson replies. Before Barba can leave, she says, "Hey, you have time for a drink? Everybody's heading to Jimmy's."

"Who's everyone?" Barba asks, hoping Carisi is included in "everyone".

"Well, I am, obviously. Amanda, Carisi, and Finn are going."

Barba pretends to think about whether he wants to do or not (he does). "Yeah, sure, why not."

" _That's_ the spirit," Benson says sarcastically, smirking.

************************

Barba downs another mouthful of whiskey and wistfully looks across the bar. He's looking at Carisi, who is currently throwing his head back, howling in laughter at something either Rollins or Fin has said. His eyes sparkle and his dimples makes Barba flush.

Another gulp of whiskey.

Damn. He hates this. It was easier to be detached from people and keep them at an arm's length. He liked that, was used to it.

But this? He forgot how this felt. The sweaty palms, the butterflies in his stomach, the racing heart. He hasn't felt this way in quite a while. He can't remember the last time he felt like this actually.

A hand on his shoulder drags him from his thoughts and he jumps in his seat at the bar. Benson sits down beside him, a concerned look on her face. "You okay?"

Barba nods. "Um, yeah, I'm fine."

Benson raises her brows and gives him "the look"; the "I-know-you're-lying-to-me-and-you're-going-to-tell-me-what's going-on" face.

Barba sighs and runs a hand down his face. He looks back briefly to Carisi, who now takes sip of his drink and is raking a hand through his hair, before he says, "It seems I've developed feelings for someone."

Benson gets a huge smile across her face at this news. "Barba! That's great! Who is it?"

"I r-really can't say. They, uh, I work with them," Barba explains, his eyes involuntarily flitting back to Carisi.

Benson glances back in the direction Barba had just looked in and sees Rollins and Carisi talking (Finn went to the bathroom). "You like Amanda?" She asks, turning back around.

"What?" Barba laughs incredulously. "No, I don't like Rollins."

 _Shit, I shouldn't have done that_ , Barba thinks. _Now, she'll know I like Carisi._

Benson looks behind her once more, slightly confused this time. Barba can feel his face growing hot and red. After a beat, Benson slowly turns around, a smile sly now on her face.

"Ah."

"Don't."

"All I said was, 'Ah.'"

"You're smiling."

"Is that illegal?"

"What am I, a lawyer?"

Benson cocks her head to the side and smirks. "Ha-ha, very funny." Her face softens. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I mean, what can I do?" Barba says, gulping down another mouthful of whiskey. "Really? I mean, what can I do? It would be such a conflict of interest and I can just hear the headlines now-"

"Woah, slow down," Benson says, a little taken aback. "So, you're thinking about seriously going for it?"

Barba shrugs. "I don't know, maybe. I mean, I... I really like him, Liv."

"So, when did you realize?"

Barba thinks about it for a minute. "Well, I just recently figured it out, but I think I've had feelings for him for a while. ....It's just he's so kind and so happy and... he's just so good, such a good person."

Benson smiles at him. "Wow."

"What?"

"I've just never heard you talk about anyone like this."

"I've never met anyone like this. Who makes me feel like this. He makes my heart pound, and not many people, or even many things, can do that."

Benson gets an even bigger grin on her face. "You really like him."

"Yeah, I do... it sucks."

"Why?"

"I'm not used to feeling this flustered."

"I like it," Benson smiles. "It shows you're not so bulletproof as you try to seem; you're just like the rest of us, Rafael."

Barba rolls his eyes. "Glad I could make you all feel better about yourselves," he says sarcastically.

Barba sees Carisi walking over to the two of them and he curses himself as he feels his heartbeat kick up again and heat rush to his cheeks. Benson sees this and smirks. "Carisi's coming, isn't he?"

Barba nods, grabbing his glass again.

"Say no more, I'm gone."

"No, Liv, don't leave- aaaand you're gone. Great."

"Hey, Counsela'!" Barba smirks at the detective's thick Staten Island accent. It's so cute.

"Hey, Carisi. What are you drinking?"

Carisi shakes his glass of light-yellow liquid, making the ice cubes inside clink against the side of it. "Vodka lemonade. Wanted something sweet tonight."

 _I can relate_ , Barba thinks, his eyes very briefly flicking down to Carisi's lips.

"How about you?"

Barba holds up his own glass. "Double whiskey." 

"Wow!" Carisi explains, sitting down in the open chair beside Barba. "Rough day?"

"Nope, just sounded good."

"Ah, I gotcha," Carisi nods. He laughs as he sees Rollins making some sort of hand gesture to him from across the bar, which must be an inside joke. That laugh; it's so full of joy and life, just like Carisi.

That's one of Barba's favorite things about the young detective: his zest for life and his look-on-the-bright-side attitude. It was so refreshing to find someone like that. Barba wants to be someone like that. Well actually, Barba wants to be _with_ someone like that. 

"So, ya' having fun tonight?" Barba asks. 

"Yeah!" Carisi nods, taking a sip of his drink. "It's so fun doing this kinda' thing with everybody. I'm glad you came out." 

Barba smiles. "Yeah, I am, too." 

"Oh, by the way, I meant to thank you again for talking to me the other day about... y'know, that stuff. I really appreciated it." 

"Yeah, of course, Carisi," Barba waves a hand dismissively. "I'm glad I could help you a little with that." 

"You did," Carisi smiles. 

God, Barba wants to ask Carisi who the man is the detective has feelings for, but he also doesn't want to know; it could be someone other than him. And it probably is. Why would he ask for Barba's help with this sexuality stuff if he was the one Carisi had feelings for? 

Or would he? Because that would throw Barba off his trail?

He's thinking too much. And not drinking enough. 

Barba downs a large gulp of his whiskey before asking his next question. "So, who's this mystery man anyway? I mean, if you want to talk about it. You don't have to." 

Carisi flushes and he also downs a bit of his drink. "Well, I, I don't know if-" 

"It's okay, Carisi," Barba laughs. "You don't have to tell me. I just hope-" (nervous intake of breath here) "-he's a good guy. Because you deserve someone amazing." 

Barba didn't think Carisi's cheeks could get any redder than they already were, but at his statement, they turn downright scarlet. Carisi averts his eyes, seeming to want to look anywhere but at Barba. "Th-Thanks, counselah. That's really nice of you to say." Carisi manages to look back up. "You know, now that you mention it-" 

Carisi doesn't have time to finish his sentence before Rollins comes over and hooks her arm around Carisi's neck. She's clearly hammered. "Heeeeey, my lawyer friends. How's it goin'?" 

Barba silently curses the Georgian detective. What was Carisi going to say before she interrupted? 

"Rollins, I'm not a lawyer, yet," Carisis laughs. 

"You're sooooo gonna' be one, though!" Rollins exclaims, practically falling onto Carisi's lap. 

_Jesus Christ, Rollins. Get it together_ , Barba thinks annoyedly. 

Rollins turns to Barba. "Ya' think so, right, counse _lah_?" She mimics the way Carisi says his title. 

"Of course," Barba looks to Carisi. His eyes are soft. "And he'll be a wonderful one." 

Carisi warmly smiles at him. 

Rollins looks confusedly between the two. "Wha? Did I... interrupt somethin'?"

 _Yes_ , Barba thinks dejectedly. 

"Bad timin', me comin' ova' here, eh?" She's starting to slur her words now.

"Alright, Rollins. That's enough for you," Carisi says. "Let's get you home. I don't think Liv and Fin are still here anyway." He checks the time. "God, an Uber's gonna be expensive this time of night." 

"I can pay for it," Barba offers. 

"No, you don't need to do that!" Carisi shakes his head. "I was exaggerating." 

"It's no problem. I was going to take one anyway. We can all take one and I can drop you and Rollins off." 

"That's not a bad idea. Someone definitely needs to help Rollins get home." 

"Shut up, 'm not _that_ dru-k!" 

"Sure, Rollins. Come on." 

In about twenty minutes, the three of them are inside the car, the addresses are given, and off they go. Carisi is in the middle seat, with Rollins on his right and Barba on his left. Rollins nods off and lays her head on Carisi's shoulder. Barba notices. 

"You two are pretty close, huh?" Barba asks, trying to not let the jealousy he's feeling creep into the tone of his voice; those two are awfully close right now. 

"Oh, yeah. Rollins is my best friend," Carisi nods, smiling. "Can't believe my best friend is such a lightweight!" 

Barba chuckles. "She definitely is." 

_Wait, what the fuck?_ Babra thinks, feeling annoyed with himself over the twinge of jealousy he was feeling _. What does it matter if they're close? Chill out._

Soon they arrive at Rollin's apartment. Carisi helps her out of the car and Babra helps take Rollins upstairs, one of her arms draped over his shoulder and one over Carisi's. They lay her on her bed, Carisi laying her on her side and propping a pillow up beside her making sure she won't roll over onto her back. Carisi also lays out two Tylenol on her night table as well as big glass of water. 

"Goodnight, dumbass," Carisis laughs, shutting off the light and closing her door.

The two head back downstairs and are soon on their way to Carisi's apartment. 

"Man, that was a fun night!" Carisi enthuses. "We should do more stuff like that." 

"That'd be great. It's fun hanging out with everyone." 

"Oh, yeah. I actually meant, like, just you and I, though." 

Barba turns to look at Carisi. He realizes how close they are in this cramped car. Now, that Rollins is gone, there's more room, but not much. Barba can see the five o'clock shadow running across his jawline, chin, and right above his lip. Those lips. God, he's gotta' stop staring at them so much; Carisi's going to notice. If he hasn't already. Shit, he's looking at them now. LOOK AT HIS EYES, RAFAEL. 

"Just us?" 

"Y-Yeah, if you'd ever want to. I'd love to. I like hanging out with you." 

Barba smiles. "I like hanging out with you, too. That'd be really fun." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

Carisi smiles, turning to look out the window at the passing night. Barba doesn't. He keeps on looking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give me attention or i'll die.
> 
> excuse me, *comments* or i'll die


End file.
